Sometimes the first sign that you’ve lost yourself isn’t sadness. It’s the realisation that you can’t remember what brings you joy.
You know what to do, how to do it and who needs your support.
But somewhere along the way, you’ve stopped asking yourself a simple question:
What do I actually want?
For many of us, losing ourselves doesn’t happen overnight. It happens gradually. We become who is needed. Maybe that’s the reliable one. The strong one. Or perhaps the responsible one. We might think of ourselves as the peacemaker, the achiever or simply the person that everyone can count on.
At first, these roles tend to serve us well. They help us navigate difficult situations, build successful careers, care for the people we love and create stability in uncertain times. And let’s face it, there is nothing wrong with becoming capable.
The problem comes when we become so identified with the role that we forget there is a person underneath it. A person with needs, dreams, preferences and desires. Someone who once knew what made them feel alive.
Over time, life can become a long list of responsibilities. We become experts at noticing what everybody else needs while slowly losing sight of ourselves. From the outside, everything may look fine. You might be successful, respected, trusted and needed.
But underneath, there can be a quiet sense of disconnection that is difficult to explain.
Not because anything is dramatically wrong, but because somewhere along the way, you’ve drifted away from yourself.
This is one of the reasons I think joy matters so much. Not because life should feel joyful every minute of every day. And not because joy is a reward we earn once everything else is finished. But because joy is information. It leaves clues and points us towards the things that make us feel most like ourselves. Like the activities that absorb us, the conversations that energise us, the places where we feel lighter, and the interests we’ve quietly abandoned because we convinced ourselves they weren’t important enough.
When we begin paying attention to joy, we often begin finding our way back home.
Not through dramatic life changes, or through blowing everything up and starting again. But through small acts of remembering Remembering what we love, what matters, and who we were before life became so busy and demanding. If you’ve spent years becoming what was needed, perhaps the question isn’t “Who do I need to become?”
Perhaps the real; question is: “Who have I forgotten that I already am?”
And perhaps the answer begins with one small thing that brings you joy.
If this resonates and you’d like some help to find the joy in your life, I’m offering a free 30 minute ‘get to know you’ call where we can start to explore if coaching might be the answer. There’s absolutely no obligation to take things any further…but it might just give you permission to put yourself first.
Click here to set up that first conversation